14. Buy Like a Dealer, Deal Like a Buyer

One night, a snow storm froze the town.

To their horror, the stoner and his friends discovered they were dry.

The stoner sent a message to his dealer, and his dealer replied that he had trees if they could make the trek.

So they drove through the snow until they reached a telephone pole that had fallen across the road. There, they parked their car and trudged through the frozen wasteland toward the dealer’s house.

When they arrived, they went inside and found their dealer warming his hands in front of his fireplace. He smiled and sold them trees and smoked them out. Then he asked, “How can I increase my business?”

The stoner said, “You can increase your business by following the 420 Code.”

The dealer asked, “How may I do this?”

The stoner replied, “A good dealer is prompt. A good dealer only deals with those he knows and does not reveal his clients to anyone. A good dealer is careful and knows the four phrases. A good dealer does not charge exorbitant amounts, but only what his time and risk are worth. A good dealer does not throw away his earnings, but saves them. A good dealer does not relentlessly expand, but seeks to serve his current buyers. A good dealer does not fight legalization to protect his profits, but works to make his job legitimate. And when a good dealer smokes out his buyers, he does not expect them to pitch in.”

The dealer said, “All this, I have done.”

The stoner said, “Of course you have. Why do you think I buy from you?”

As the stoner and his friends trudged back to their car, they smoked, and while they smoked, the stoner’s friends asked him, “How can we be good buyers?”

The stoner replied, “A good buyer is prompt. A good buyer does not tell anyone who their dealer is without the dealer’s permission. A good buyer is careful and knows the four phrases. A good buyer does not expect a discount or an advance. A good buyer buys regularly. And like a good dealer, a good buyer follows the 420 Code.”

One of his friends replied, “That is a lot of stuff to remember.”

The stoner said, “Then just recall the 14th Rule of Thumb: Buy like you are a dealer, and deal like you are a buyer. If you do this, you will never be dry.”

Read the fifteenth rule of thumb.