16. To Make Friends, Make Munchies

One of the stoner’s friends liked to smoke, but he never had trees. However, whenever the stoner smoked him out, this friend would make the munchies.

He could cook all manner of foods: from sandwiches, to soups, to stews, to curries, dips, salads, pastas, and pizzas, French fries, stir fries, apple pies, waffles, cakes, kabobs, cornbread, and every other sort of deliciousness. Every meal he made made him better at making them, and they were always well-received, but still he felt guilty for never providing trees.

So one day, he told the stoner, “I am sorry that I never smoke you out, while you are always so generous with me.”

The stoner took a bite of a burrito, chewed, and swallowed. Then he said, “Do not apologize. For while some people say that the greatest gift is to smoke another out, this is not true, for the 16th Rule of Thumb is such: To make friends, make munchies.”

The stoner bit into the burrito. It was hot and delicious. He focused on the taste and the smell and the texture on his tongue. He listened to the sound of his chewing. He occupied himself with that bite, not the next. He chewed, and he swallowed, and he smiled at his friend, for munchies that are good get better the more you think on them, and no munchies are better than those made by a friend.

“So don’t thank me,” said the stoner. “Let me thank you.”

Read the seventeenth rule of thumb.